The Only Way Out Is Through: How To Survive Your Dark Night of the Soul
“Major breaking news…another unprecedented historical event!”
Yeah, I know…I’m sick of hearing that headline too. Here’s the thing…these unprecedented events keep happening until the Collective Conscious wakes up enough so that real change can happen in this world. What we are seeing now is the destruction of an old institutional order (down with the patriarchy, am I right?!). No one ever talks about how messy the middle is though. It’s happening in every industry and institution…finance, healthcare, religion, science, education, politics…there is no bypassing the collective Tower moment or buying your way out of karma this time around. Pluto in Aquarius and Neptune in Aries are taking no prisoners. If you haven’t learned the lessons or done the inner work, the forces bigger than Man are now coming for their karmic dues.
THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
Collective change must first happen on an individual level. Have you healed? Have you been kind? Have you done the work? If you have to really think about those 3 questions its likely not (not judging! teehee!). You could be one of the many about to enter your Dark Night of the Soul.
First coined in a poem by a Spanish mystic named John of the Cross, “The Dark Night” refers to the recognition of the demoralization and despair of the passive spirit on one’s life journey. And more modern, 20th and 21st century depictions refer to the Dark Night of the Soul as a psychological or existential crisis that lacks purpose or connection.
Sometimes referred to Ego Death, Psychic Awakening, or Shadow Recognition…the Dark Night of the Soul can be summed up as an initiation, taking you from one phase of life into another.
But my favorite definition of the Dark Night of the Soul is what all the Southern grandmas and aunties would call a “Come to Jesus Moment.” Its a period of time in your life when the very foundations of your reality, belief systems, morals, and what you “thought” you knew to be true about your existence are shaken and questioned so that your soul/spirit can advance and elevate higher to an enlightened understanding of what God/Source/the Divine knows you to TRULY be…a walking representation of Love, Unity, and Oneness.
So let’s talk about it!
If you think you are entering into or are already in the thick of your Dark Night, you may have already discovered that the only way out is through. Here are some tips and lessons to help you along the way…
SURRENDER YOUR LOVE OF MONEY & DESIRE FOR POWER AND CONTROL
The 2 most inherently valuable assets to Man right now are MONEY and POWER.
At the most surface level, your Dark Night of the Soul will ask you to look at the societal and systemic confines your existence is placed in. In the United States and across the globe, Man has attempted to make Money the ultimate god. Let the quote “the love of money is the root of all evil” really sink in for you as you read this. Where do you feel it in your body? Maybe at the time you are reading this, you are struggling financially and finally having to address a poverty wound or lack/scarcity mindset. Or maybe at the time of you reading this, you have made your millions and invested in bitcoin but feel the impulsiveness of greed poking at your spirit for more, more, more!
Before I continue, let me make it abundantly clear…yes I recognize that we all do indeed need money to buy things that both allow us to survive and pay our bills, as well as bring us joy. I am no hater of money, in fact I think its really cool that we as humans created a trade system out of paper and one day just decided that it was worth something of value. However, the value of money has overshadowed the value of life and duty to other another, the Earth, and our pursuit of happiness, creativity, connection and authenticity.
Light and Divinity cannot exist where there is division. And boy, has the love of money and power divided us. It is a zero-sum game out there between the haves and have-nots, the rich vs the poor, and the “better-than’s and the “less-than’s”. Somewhere along the way, capitalism embedded in us the idea that there is a cap on abundance, resources, wealth and prosperity. The Dark Night of the Soul will ask you to look at your relationship with material things and your desire to control your external environment.
It might take away your money, power or resources and show you how to live with and appreciate less. Or if you have resources and power, the Dark Night might ask you to stop hoarding and share your wealth or ask more of you with the power you are given. With great power comes great responsibility, after all.
SHADOW ILLUMINATION — RECOGNIZE AND LET GO OF COMPLEXES
The Dark Night of the Soul will ask you to illuminate and heal your shadows. What is popularly called Shadow Work will be required in order for you to heal the parts of you that make you…well…human. The masks you wear to protect yourself in order to be accepted by society and groups will demand to come off so you can see yourself in the most raw and honest light.
Oftentimes, the Dark Night has us reconciling with and taking accountability for our “demons.” These demons might look or feel like chaos, confusion, doubt, uncertainty, fear, pain, suffering, exhaustion, manipulation, deception, anxiety, depression or betrayal. And when not dealt with or felt for a very long time, might manifest as Victim, Savior, Martyr, or God complexes or issues with boundaries and asking for help or the things you really need. When you illuminate these shadow aspects of yourself, you agree to feel and accept the duality of your existence and recognize that you are capable of both very good and very bad things. However, the Dark Night of the Soul leads you into the awareness that you CHOOSE to do good things, thus elevating you consciously into a higher vibrational awareness.
Shadow illumination might look like:
-going to therapy
-starting daily meditation, prayer or affirmations
-having hard conversations
-healing from narcissism
-journaling or writing about your childhood
-facing trauma or uncomfortable truths
-radical self acceptance
-leaning into your authenticity
-admitting you were wrong
-changing your viewpoint on a topic
-saying no
-establishing boundaries
-taking accountability for your actions
-speaking up over injustices
-challenging the status quo
-releasing the need to make everyone happy
-walking away from conflict
HEAL YOUR ANCESTOR LINE & BREAK GENERATION PATTERNS OR CURSES
Healing and progress don’t happen in a straight line. Just look at history for proof. Your Dark Night of the Soul will require you to make peace with and transmute the past into a valuable lesson of overcoming adversity. As you awaken to truth, you will start to study and question the decisions of your family when you were a child. Themes such as where you grew up, your socioeconomic status, privilege, morals, education, beliefs, habits and behaviors are all learned. As children, we get our worldview from our parents or guardians and their parents and guardians before them. When we are children, its not really up to us on what to believe because children absorb the information that their immediate environment feeds to them at any given time.
However, into adulthood when your brain is fully conscious and developed, there comes a certain time when you must accept that your parents and family are human too and also on a journey of progression and learning. Your Dark Night will ask you to look at and heal from any patterns or belief systems encoded in your DNA over hundreds and thousands of years worth of decisions and choices made by ancestors before you. What tools and knowledge do you have now that your parents, grandparents and great-grandparents did not? And will you continue on what their traditions or create new ones?
Common Themes:
-inner child healing
-attachment styles
-the black sheep of the family
-understanding and questioning traditional vs modern family roles
-family systems theory
-generational wealth or poverty
-systemic racism
-genomics and understanding your family tree
GET HEALTHY & STRONG
Your Dark Night of the Soul doesn’t have that name for no reason! This period of time is HEAVY. Your shadows, subconscious mind and illuminating the depths of your individual and collective awareness will test your boldness and courage. Looking at and becoming aware of the truth of your world and the world at large will require great strength of your physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual bodies. Because the Dark Night of the Soul is heavy work, practicing good hygiene, eating foods and minerals that support your health and intentional self care can ease the flow of lessons and insights coming your way. When your body and mind are calm and feeling good, it makes room for greater integration of your shadow self and light self. This leads to more profound experiences and realizations of unity consciousness.
Think about incorporating your chakras for a wholistic approach to your health:
❤️ The Root Chakra - physical strength & stability
🧡 The Sacral Chakra - creativity & rest
💛 The Solar Plexus - nutrition through food, drink, vitamins and minerals & taking inspired action through daily routines
💚 The Heart Chakra - “me” time
The Throat Chakra - detoxing the lymphatic system & practicing using your voice
💙 The Third Eye Chakra - your mental clarity, discernment, brain health, and transmuting limiting beliefs
💜 The Crown Chakra - spiritual hygiene through meditation, prayer & community
GET GRATEFUL
You didn’t come this far just come this far! The Universe and God/Source are constantly working in your favor…even during your Dark Night of the Soul. Because you are divine and you are loved. Your soul agreed to come to Earth to receive advanced level training on a soul level. If Earth is a school, then the Dark Night of the Soul is your PH.D. The thesis statement of your soul needs to revolve around GRATITUDE. During this initiation, set intentions of gratitude and thanks for the lessons in resilience, courage, and strength during the process so that you can embrace joy and remembrance of your divinity on the other side of this period.
How to be grateful:
-count your blessings
-find magic and joy in mundane tasks
-stay grounded and focused on daily goals
-think about all that you have already overcome
-be of service to someone who deserves it
-ask God, your spirit guides, or ancestors for guidance & confirmation that you are on the right path
LET GO OF SPIRITUAL BYPASSING & VIRTUE SIGNALING
Spiritual bypassing is a defense mechanism that uses spiritual ideas or beliefs in order to avoid uncomfortable emotions, difficult situations, taking accountability, or showing empathy and compassion towards others. In extreme cases, spiritual bypassing can be seen as the weaponizing of God, prayer, meditation, or other spiritual concepts as a means to manipulate and slow down the healing process of the Dark Night.
Spiritual bypassing, if intentionally done during the process of the Dark Night of the Soul, can have some pretty harmful affects such as projecting self righteousness onto others, having a holier-than-thou mindset, becoming prideful and haughty, and can create a cult-like mentality of thinking you never need to change or grow.
Spiritual bypassing during the Dark Night of the Soul can also lead to spiritual psychosis where you lose touch with reality or find yourself in a bubble or echo chamber of people who only validate you, rather than encourage you to seek truth and heal.
Toxic Positivity — Have you ever heard these quotes?
”Just stay positive!”
”Good vibes only.”
”Just let go and surrender.”
”Reality is an illusion, just break free from the Matrix.”
”Every person you meet is just a mirror for you to self reflect.”
These quotes misrepresent the naunce that is life, which is a culmination of every lived experience, thought and emotion you have had and will have. Your Dark Night asks that you feel and accept ALL parts of the human experience. Your Dark Night of the Soul will ask you if you are practicing what you preach and if you’re truly walking the walk and talking the talk.
DETACH FROM THE NOISE & LEARN HOW TO BE IN SOLITUDE
Today, everyone has an opinion. Knowledge, information, and thoughts flood our phones, the internet and every facet of our lives. The information available at our fingertips has resulted in lots of noise and very little wisdom. Solutions and the critical thinking required to fix and address the root problems of society is lost in translation.
Chaos, distractions, and the constant shame and guilt surrounding being productive are huge factors that have triggered Dark Nights of the Soul for many and will continue to do so in the years ahead. Learning the Art of Detachment and the discipline needed to tune out the noise of the external world leads to massive healing. When you discover how loud your world is, you find that less is truly more.
In a society of overconsumption, learning to live with less and finding peace in solitude and alone time lets you rediscover your inner voice. Through the Dark Night of the Soul, you once again discover that you have always KNOWN who you are and what you are capable of.
Try this:
-burn it all down — throw out anything in your home that doesn’t bring you joy
-detox your relationships — are you giving more than receiving?
-detox your technology — change your algorithm, delete apps and clean out your Google Drive
-create a zen den — only you are aloud in!
-rearrange your daily routines to bring in more quiet moments
-replace social media time with reading a good book
FIND COMMUNITY
We were never meant to feel divided or alone on life’s journey. A Dark Night of the Soul can be triggered when pain and suffering is endured alone and in isolation. Our souls have a DUTY to serve each other. When you discover you are in a Dark Night, it is vital that you seek out a community of like minded individuals…a metropolis or army of humans who have your back. A group of supporters who will catch you if you fall, offer advice, or mentor you as you walk through this heavy period.
On the other side of your Dark Night, you will discover those on the journey with you and gain compassion for the ones who still have some healing to do. Community brings purpose and a calling to care for something bigger than yourself. Community is where real change and transformation takes place as you discover you were never really on your own. We are all just helping each other get back home.
ITS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN — LIGHT AFTER NIGHT
Remember that this too shall pass.
Without the darkness of night we would never be able to see the stars.
If you are in your Dark Night, remember that the light can always be found. Hope is one of the strongest forces in the Universe. It’s what gives us the courage to fight another day, the energy to shovel bull 💩, and the strength to walk into rooms with your head held high even though you just cried 30 minutes ago.